2014년 12월 7일 일요일

Final Draft

 
 
Better physical beauty makes life comfortable.
                                                                                                                 20320
Jeongyubin

 

  Let’s suppose that the two women, one is pretty and the other is ugly, are running to the beach in front of you. How do you feel? Who are you looking at now? I suppose it would be the one who is better in physical beauty. As I guessed, people naturally tend to like more beautiful and handsome people by a human instinct that follows the better physical beauty. Then did you know that they also get more advantages? One of the most interesting tv program about plastic surgery, 'Let 美人' showed the a woman who actually experienced the discrimination of physical beauty. She had watched the people who were asking to beautiful people politely, smiling and praising them all the time while they didn't  do toward her. Like this, even we consciously or unconsciously recognize, it seems certain that there is something advantageous for people who are better in physical beauty.

 Beauty is is the state or quality of being beautiful. Therefore physical beauty means the degree to which a person's physical traits are considered aesthetically pleasing or beautiful. According to survey from Albamon targeting 200 university students, 62.1% of them responded that they had been discriminated by physical beauty. Also 84.9 % of them had changed their judgement or evaluation by others' physical beauty. Like this, the saying that  ‘용모가 수려한 사람은 어떤 추천장에 못지않게 효능이 있다.’ from  Aristotele seems trustable. As it was proven that people who are relatively not better in physical beauty often feel humiliated and want to become more beautiful or handsome. This kind of situation could arouse 'plastic surgery' that almost every 16 people of 1000 people already experienced it.  It is dangerous phenomenon that can bring about plastic surgery side effect or death. Then many would wonder why people want to be better in physical beauty even accepting risks. This can be explained by the reasons that how physical beauty affects their lives.



  Firstly, the people who are more beautiful or handsome are advantageous in a first impression which is really crucial for social relationships. From the recent study, Heide, D'Angelo, &Schumaker in 2012, when people introduce themselves with their negative visual image in facebook, it was proven that it also influences the contents of facebook or comments negatively. Like this, the first visual image of people's faces that is close to first impression is really important factor that can affect many other things. Besides, there is a psychological effect which is the halo effect. It means that if a person has one good trait, other people might regard that person as having many other good traits. From the psychology of happiness communication, that 'one good trait' often points to the phsical beauty. Finally, people have stereotypical thinking that the people who are beautiful or handsome are also good at manner, jobs or personality. As the first impression is made through only few minutes, the physical beauty has to be important and advantageous.

  Secondly, people who are in physical beauty can make more money. A study from Harvard University has shown that physical beauty makes potential ability. From this study, attractive people were rated more socially successful, more financially successful and happier than unattractive people. This successful thing was proven that annual income is directly proportional to physical beauty. According to <USA today>, discrimination of physical beauty was really crucial in the employment. Workers who are below average physical beauty get 9% less income that average one. Also people who are better than average got 5% more income. Therefore not only ability but also external condition such as face, height and weight influence the annual income a lot. Andrew Lee, who was a professor said "This kind of situation is similar many handsome politicians are more likely to be elected". Therefore, the better physical beauty, the better they can earn.
 

 

Lastly, it is more easy for people who are better in physical beauty to success to get suggestions of date. People might not feel comfortable when they meet someone whose physical beauty doesn't match what they think good. It is difficult to notice this fact consciously. However subconscious mind will still perceive differences. That is why we judge a person by only appearance made from stereotypical image for all the people. Actually it really does in a date. From Catherine Hakim who is a professor, the interesting outcome was revealed through date from online date and speed-date which is opportunities to meet and talk with 20 people as their future mate. The physical beauty of women was crucial for their success of these dates. Actually the most men asked women who are better in physical beauty for dates.

 I guess some people would insist people should not judge the people by the physical beauty  as a stereotypical answer coming from the conscious mind. It is true that to judge people based on their looks is not always bringing good outcomes. However, we can't deny the fact that there is a really true reasons that physical beauty is extremely important. As I mentioned, it practically helps to survive in our society comfortably. For example, it was proven that the physical beauty was really crucial factor for getting a job. This data was estimated by 776 human resource directors. Because the physical beauty influences the impression and image of company, the outer beauty should be important. Also they responded that one of the reason that they put the importace on the physical beauty is that it seems they are good at self management. Like this, there are also reasons we cannot overlooked the physical beauty.                                                    
  Also some would argue about my opinion saying the inner beauty is also important and should not be overlooked. I also agree with this, however, following the polls of Korea psychological conferences, it was shown that only the 23 % believe that an inner beauty is more important than physical beauty. I think it means that physical beauty is really affects our lives. I also think the inner beauty is one of the most crucial thing than influences the every parts of lives but I'm insisting that the more advantageous thing between them is the physical beauty.

 

 
 Physical beauty is important that could help many other aspects of lives. Because it is a clear truth that people who are better in physical beauty have more advantages, some would not blame themselves that they are not attractive in physical beauty. Therefore they would not harm their self-esteem unintentionally. What a person look likes is various and there is advantageous appearances in the world. As the good students deserve advantageous privileges, better appearance is an advantageous values just the way it is. I think people could understand this kind of differences and would not regard people who have better appearance as an inequality. For these reasons, People who are better in physical beauty have more advantages although there are many things that can surpass the physical beauty. I think it is the most powerful that can gain many advantages. 


Bibliography
 
http://books.google.co.kr/books?id=2RSuAAAAQBAJ&pg=PT191&lpg=PT191&dq=%EB%8D%B0%EC%9D%B4%ED%8A%B8+%EC%99%B8%EB%AA%A8&source=bl&ots=sUrBNrAcS4&sig=Gt8VMo51o8FR9r5kV1pOf3V7rBo&hl=ko&sa=X&ei=lEyEVOuGHui_mAWslIHwDw&ved=0CD4Q6AEwCTgK#v=onepage&q=%EB%8D%B0%EC%9D%B4%ED%8A%B8%20%EC%99%B8%EB%AA%A8&f=fals
 

Resarch according to advices

According to survey from 소년한국일보 targeting 177 elementary students in Seoul, about 55.9% responded that physical beauty is important to gain concern and love from their friends and teachers. Like this, even children often care about their beauty thinking it plays the crucial role. 

http://books.google.co.kr/books?id=2RSuAAAAQBAJ&pg=PT191&lpg=PT191&dq=%EB%8D%B0%EC%9D%B4%ED%8A%B8+%EC%99%B8%EB%AA%A8&source=bl&ots=sUrBNrAcS4&sig=Gt8VMo51o8FR9r5kV1pOf3V7rBo&hl=ko&sa=X&ei=lEyEVOuGHui_mAWslIHwDw&ved=0CD4Q6AEwCTgK#v=onepage&q=%EB%8D%B0%EC%9D%B4%ED%8A%B8%20%EC%99%B8%EB%AA%A8&f=fals

2014년 12월 6일 토요일

Peer Evaluation

For 20322


Grade

According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?

I think this essay deserves a five.

How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?


I think it's enough.

Thesis

What is the thesis?

Language or culture, whick one is more dominant.

Is the thesis clear and debatable?


Yes and yes.

If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?


I think I would also agree with him.

Any other thoughts?

This is interesting. Even though the subject is usual thing, she expressed and explained her argument well.

Classical Argument

Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?

Yes.

Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis?

Yes.

Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?

Yes, the definitions are really clear and it was easy to understand his essay for narration.

Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?


I think most of it adequately support the thesis.

Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?


Yes.

Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis?

Yes.


What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?

The narration is enough.


Persuasion


When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?

I agreed with the thesis.


When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?

I still agree with the thesis.


If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?

I did not change my mind.


How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?


띄어쓰기만 하면 완벽해요!!


Research

Is the author using research effectively?


Yes


Is the research from appropriate sources?

Yes, with academic research.


Are the sources obvious?

Yes, the sources are obvious.


Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?

Yes.


Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?

No.